December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season!  The wife and I took our coffee cups and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like something from a Norman Rockwell painting. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love the snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of pristine, crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a beautiful sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had! Shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. l don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle like shimmering diamonds. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra snow shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God, I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of damn snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Idiotic snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the ass is lying.

December 23: Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s lying.

December 24: 6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the idiot who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that flipping snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the #!#%!# white stuff tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The woman is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? Idiot.

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

-Author Unknown

Today was one of those days…just an all around gloomy yuck day. I like to think of myself as an optimist and spend a lot of time trying to encourage and cheer up those around me. However, I do have my own little moments…moments in which vanity can completely sour my day. Today, I had the bright idea of taking a photo of myself to update my Facebook profile. I have a new camera with a timer and thought….well, I should do it. After all, I’m always the one behind the camera taking the pictures and am pretty much absent from all of my family’s pictures, for the last 25 years or so. So, here we go…for posterity’s sake.

Anyway, I start out by going to my cosmetic drawer and fixing up a tad. I’ve never been one that wears much makeup, but I do know and appreciate the value of a little here and there. I have the same attitude about my hair. I know that I have to pay for highlights, otherwise I look really tired. In my 20’s & 30’s, I used to do the whole hot roller, teasing, hairspray thing. Now, I tend to do the roller brush, little bit of teasing, and spritz of hairspray thing. After the quick primping session, I take my dog and we go outside for some pics. Okay, I figured out how to use the timer…pretty easy. I came in and uploaded the pics to my computer. Somewhere after uploading and watching the photos appear on the screen, I felt my entire body sink into a lifeless little puddle of self-loathing and disbelief. What I saw in those photos was not what I was expecting.

I don’t know where I went, but I was nowhere to be found in those pictures. So, I decided….well, they were taken in direct sunlight. Yes, that was it! Nobody should take a picture in direct sunlight. So, off to the backyard again. This time, I would take some pictures in the softer, more friendly shade. After uploading… I must need to try moonlight without a flash.

I told my husband about my experience when he came home from work. He’s a smart man, so he knew what he must say….oh, honey…you’re still pretty….you’re just being silly. He did gently add that my change to bare mineral makeup about a year ago, might not have been the best choice. Now he tells me! Anyway, at least someone told me. So, in an attempt to practice what I preach…I decided that I should do something instead of just whine….so, I did an internet search and looked up my local Mary Kay lady. Those pink Cadillac ladies always look good. Maybe she can help a girl out.